Act II- Ask A Trans friend!
In Act I, I explained to you all how I believe alot of problems can be solved with a little understanding... With that being said I decided to gather up the most common questions people seem to have about Transfolk and made two friends of mine answer them. They were nice enough to do so and I would like to thank them for putting up with my ass from the bottom of my heart. I've changed their names to protect them from assholes. Deal with it! The only thing this has been edited for is spelling and grammar, their opinions and beliefs are their own.
EVLO has transitioned from Male to Female.
TRAC has transitioned from Female to Male.
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1. What was life like for you before transitioning? Where you conflicted about how you were inside, Was there any defining moment in life where you went "Aha!" or was it something you've always known?
EVLO: Life before transitioning was agonizing. I use to wonder if there was something wrong with me or broken within me, that was why I felt sad all the time. I remember dreaming every other night about a woman with long beautiful raven black hair in a purple dress. I could always see the the back of her body, then when she went to turn around I would wake up each time.
As for my Aha! moment, it would be when I met my first trans woman within my research of self and when we actually sat down and compared our lives everything clicked and I knew what I could call myself then.
TRAC: I lived as a butch lesbian for years before I came to terms as being Transgender. I was suffering from a deep depression when I came to terms with it. I always knew something was up but didn't know all the details. I was doing a lot of therapy and dealing with my mom being ill, and dying. When she died, I knew I would transition.
2. Did you "come out" to family and friends, and if so do they react differently toward you now?
EVLO: Yes. I did, finally, once I was sure about myself being Trans. I told my mother first and she told me that she already knew for two reasons: One, since I was little I hated being dressed up as a boy and always liked gender neutral clothes. Two, when I was little I had long hair and people would tell my mom that she had beautiful daughters. She would thank them, never correcting people because I would get mad when she did.
After I told my sisters and they reacted the same as my mom. Then finally I told my Biological Father because my mom and sisters told me I should only because he deserved that much. His reaction was that I was sick in the head and needed help. Me being gay was fine but this was something else! So I don't talk to him anymore after that. My mother and sisters acted differently only in a good way, they became more protective and would do things like snap at people looking at me funny in public.
TRAC: I came out to several friend and close family. Friends did very well. I think my family was unsure, and wondered if I would be happy, they see that I am now. My family treats me with respect.
3. What do you consider the preferred pronouns used to address you? Are there any other lesser used terms in the community that we can and should become more familiar with?
EVLO: Well my pronouns are: She and Her etc. but to refer to me as a T.girl, Trans woman or trans friend is fine as well.
TRAC: My preferred pronouns are He/Him/His, a FTM, Transman.
4. Does it bother you if people use the wrong pronouns when speaking to you and if they do, you correct them or let it go?
EVLO: It does bother me when people mess up. It stuns me rarely, I do correct them nicely at first. If it's an ongoing thing, I'll snap and tell them to kindly fuck off if they're doing it on purpose. If by accident, I remind them to make themselves aware to be more careful about messing up my pronouns
TRAC: No one misgenders me. There was a time when some did. It depended if I thought they were trying and just made a mistake or if they did it on purpose. The first, is forgiven. The second, I would talk to them about it and if they continued to do it, they lost me as a friend. It goes beyond just being an asshole and disrespecting me. It could put me in danger, if someone hears that is phobic and would act violently toward me.
5. If someone isn't sure about your gender identity but they still want to address you without offending you, are there neutral pronouns that can be used or do you think it more polite to address the person by the gender of the clothing they wear?
EVLO: Hmm… I would have to say just ask them their name and go off of that, as I do, or what they prefer to go by.
TRAC: It is polite to ask. "How would you prefer I address you?" You might also give your name and ask theirs. Type of clothing doesn't always work.
6. Are there commonly used terms for your identity that are considered rude and should be avoided?
EVLO: Yes! Tranny is the equivalent of the “N-word” without an A at the end. Also Shemale, Chick with a Dick, Special Girl, Lady Boy (All things that will make me strike you and all these things I have been called by weirdos that try to fuck me) so those are the only ones for me.
TRAC: Tranny and for the women .....shemale, heshe.
7. Getting more personal now... How do you define your sexual orientation, if at all?
EVLO: My sexual orientation is Pansexual. I like who I like when I like them.
TRAC: I am in a hetro, monogamous relationship. I am legally married. I however, consider myself bisexual.
8. Most people, I imagine, are curious about the genitalia that you were born with. Do you find yourself getting asked about it alot? Is there a polite way to ask you such an obviously embarrassing question or do you even answer the question at all?
EVLO: For me I don't mind talking about my body since I'm a very open person. When people ask I just tell them ‘Yes I still have my penis for now and if that's a problem then fuck off’ but I rarely get asked, when I do that's how I respond. Why hide it?
TRAC: I am constantly asked " Do you have a dick?" I find myself less forgiving of this question as I age. Because I am an educator, there is a setting ( the class room) that it is ok to ask and I will answer. Otherwise, this is a totally rude question.
9. In personal relationships (not just romantic), do you tend to tell people right away or is it something you keep to yourself if you can? How do people in general react when they find out at first?
EVLO: I tell people right away that I'm trans because if I don't that's hiding who I am and that it's a part of my essence as a whole. If that is too complicated for them to handle that's them but if there's acceptance and willingness to know a little about trans people I'm here to educate.
TRAC: I used to tell a lot of people, in the hopes to educate. When you think about it, there is no reason to tell unless I am hoping to go to bed with you. When I was dating, I would tell during our first coffee date. I wanted no secrets.
10. All the suicides and violence against Transgender in the media; theres such a struggle that went mostly unheard until now. Have you ever dealt with suicidal thoughts or had violence brought on you personally? If so then how did that particular experience affect you, if at all? What do you think can be done by the rest of us to prevent more tragedies?
EVLO: I have made 7 attempts at taking my life in fact and by the 7th I heard a voice tell me ‘It's not your time. I'll wait for you here until it is, now go back’.
I experienced violence against me personally, twice. The first was when I was attacked by a group of kids in middle school with my boyfriend, after school and second was when I was 19, at a party. The 1st time I was filled with fury and wanted revenge. By the second time I learned sympathy and grew to learn that violence isn't always the answer.
To prevent tragedies in the community I believe is a matter of education and I mean to educate parents and children alike to be accepting, learn about trans people since they have existed since the beginning, will continue to and that we are people. Some are not brave as I to stand and fight for our acknowledgement (sometimes actual physical fights when being crossed) of our rights.
TRAC: This is such a hard one. I have had suicidal thoughts during my depression, it was never Transgender specific. The most difficulty I have had during this process has been in the medical situations. Being outed or just general mis-information. We really need to have more education in the medical community to start with. There were 81 deaths world wide this last year due to violence against Transgender people. That doesn't even count suicide. There were over 4 suicides in our youth community alone in a three month span this year.
11. What advice would you give to a Young Person and/or an Adult who's just figuring out that they are trans?
EVLO: Just be true to yourself and dont let society's version of a trans man or trans woman guide your transition, no trans person's journey is the same. Live your happiness, don't let anyones happiness beside your own guide your transition.
TRAC: Find out if you have a resource in your family, school, Community Center, online. GET SUPPORT. This isn't a race, take as long as you need to feel comfortable. Everybody is different and it is that way with this too.
12. Is there anything else you like to say about being Transgender or other issues unique to the growing community?
EVLO: All life is precious, cherish everyone: LGBTQIA, Black, White, Mixed, Purple, Human or Mythical. We all belong on this plane for a reason. Respect my existence and thanks for caring enough to ask.
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