Shop Life: Volume II

There's always something happening at The Shop...We are really close to County Mental Hospital so we get a few crazies now and then mostly harmless but every now and then we get some characters:

June 15, 2015-

It's a Monday morning, 9:30 AM...And there was a rather fucked up (on meth or crack) Transwoman.  She was rather opinionated about everything but I could only under partially understand what she was saying because her accent was so thick and she was mumbling from the drugs. Her wig looked like it had seen better days, it was long, black, tangled  and poofy...she was walking around in jeans and a red plaid bra (that we sell). Her breasts were the best boob job I have seen ( and I see alot of them). She was dark skinned so I guessed she was from the Caribbean some where. She bought a ticket for the theatre and disappeared inside...only for  us to get complaints from the regulars...why? Because she decided to solicit (prostitution). After she was confronted about it, she swore up and down that she didn't that someone was lying. (We got more than 3 complaints and she was NOT easy to mistake her someone else.) My manager asked her to leave, very nicely and respectfully...she paced around the counter for a bit, looking for her plastic bag of belongings...I handed it to her and she put a shirt on. I guess she wasn't having nice from my manager because the woman thanked me for being kind and helpful (I didn't do much but appreciated the compliment) then she stormed out with her plastic bag calling my manager a "Black Bitch!" as she passed (she was WAY darker skinned than my manager which we thought was hysterical). She walked out the front doors and proceeded to grab her tits and shake them at the front door, then poked her head in and told us to quit looking! Then she left...

Later, when I went on break...I'm walking to the 7/11 that's nearby and I passed the Italian restaurant that's two doors down from us...and there is her bag of belongings, strewn about the entrance way of this place like she got abducted by aliens and dropped it all. Haven't seen her since...

Cynthia-

The girl in above video, her name is Cynthia and I guess you could say she's kind of a regular...but she's not allowed in the store. Why? Because she's completely bat shit crazy!

From what I gather, she used to work here at the shop YEARS ago....for a few days as a clerk and then she went on to become one of the Peepshow girls. She's locked herself in the customer ladies room more than once and completely trashed it another time she was able to slip past us and lock herself in OUR bathroom, last time for 30 minutes while talking to herself. She will show up and stand outside next to the back door with her bike yelling and talking to someone we can't see. When we ask her to leave, she argues about it incoherently til we get tired and just give up. I think she either has Multiple Personality Disorder (because sometimes she will take on different accents like Latin and British...she's white. I've been told to watch out for the British Lady, she's a terrible bitch)  or Schizophrenia, maybe both? Can you have both? Anyway, She is lucid when you're speaking to her sometimes then she will trail off into crazy again. She will spend HOURS hanging out, outside the building in the blistering sun, no matter how many times we ask her to leave. I feel bad for her, there's plenty of places for her to get help but she doesn't and the drugs she does definitely isn't helping the problem.

In the video, my manager had just asked her to leave since she was freaking people out with her nonsense...They got into an argument, manager decided she was wasting her breath and gave up. She stayed out there pacing and yelling at no one. So I had to take a phone and record the crazy. After I finished filming this, she was out there for maybe 15 more minutes, pacing and yelling before she finally go on her bike and left.

We haven't seen the last of her I'm sure...She'll be back. What I don't get is why she keeps coming back in the first place? What connection is her broken mind making? I find it all very interesting really...

Hope you guys enjoy the crazy as much as I did...



Illy Stylez

Shop Life: Volume I

View of the Toy Room at Barnett Ave. Adult Superstore

Working at an Adult Store, you get to meet interesting people and get yourself into interesting situations. Here are a few we had to deal with in the past two weeks:



The Nasty Stripper Bitch- This chick was a trip! She brought back some white lingerie that she had previously danced in (Strike 1), dumped a bagful on the counter in front me claiming that the came out. She demanded a return or exchange. So of course I ask my manager even though I know what her answer is going to be (at most stores, sales are FINAL! We have a 10 day return policy on DEFECTIVE items.) So I show her the garment in question, She determines that the damage occurred due to being worn and denies the request. I go back to the customer and tell her. She proceeds to stare at me for a minute straight, I just stared back and told her I'm sorry I couldn't help. She exclaims that she spends alot of money at the store and to tell my manager that we have lost her business and won't be returning...I said "okay, have a nice day". So since we couldn't do anything with it, I go to throw the pile into the trash. But before I do, a white thong falls to the floor...I go to pick it up and stop dead...its got a huge yellow and brown stain the entire length of the crotch! NASTY! How are you gonna be a stripper when you don't even wash your ass?! Who wants THAT in their face?! Let me also mention that this bitch looked to be about 40! I wouldn't have guessed that she was a dancer until she told me! My shift goes by, I get off and go home. At about 8pm I get a call from one of the managers, asking me what I had done with all the clothing, I told him what happened and that I had thrown in out. Turns out Nasty wanted the clothing BACK! What the fuck?! Why would you think we would have kept those things. Delusional and Gross!

The Medical Play Case

Handcuff Guy- I started the morning of May 21, 2015 in kind of a stupor. I wasn't awake yet which means all types of fun stuff was gonna happen! Above you will see a picture of our medical play case where most of our chrome toys are. This guy who looks like a trucker asks me to see one of the pairs of cuffs we had in there. So I get them out and he asks me to cuff him, so I do...about twice before I figure out hes getting a jolly out of me cuffing him. So I casually stop and finish up my opening duties. He wanders over to the Men's Underwear and selects a pair, asks me a few questions about sizing (he was a big guy) and then purchases a red thong. He asked to change into it and I said sure and let him into the dressing room. He comes out, fully clothed thank god and proceeds to thank me and start going on and on about how well they fit. And of course, he had to give me the full effect by pulling his pants part way down and showing me the biggest, whitest, ass I've ever seen! I so did not need that! I start talking to another customer and he kept floating around near us awkwardly like he wanted to talk to me more, probably listening, and finally he gets the hint that I'm not gonna be done helping any time soon and he finally leaves.

New Release Toys and The Lube Wall

Mr. Clearance Lube- Who walks into a store and shouts "Where's your Clearance Lube at?" This guy does apparently...we are pretty affordable, why would you want the stuff that WASN'T selling and no one else wanted. I feel sorry for who ever you're gonna have sex with, they don't even rate full priced lube!

The Shower Guy- He comes in, tells us that he's promoting a club...doesn't say which one. He's not dressed like a club promoter, doesn't have any fliers and he walks with a cane. He then asks my coworker "What can I get here for $3.00". I had to stifle a laugh because you could get like two lube pillows and not much else at my store. My coworker says as much. Then he disappears into our bathroom and is in there for a while. The janitor comes up to us and lets us know the guy is taking a whore shower in our Men's Room. So we sent a mail coworker in after his to kick him out. There's bathrooms at the beach, c'mon! As the guy is leaving, we are watching him on camera...as he rolls his shopping cart away! Homeless Club Promoter?! That's new.



So there you have it. Just a few things that we have to deal with on the daily. There's plenty more to come so stay tuned.


Let Your Freak Flag Fly!

~Illy Stylez~

Illy Stylez

Adult Store 101: Necessary Shopping Tips

If you are going to shop at an Adult Store for a gift for your lover, take pity on us...We are NOT fucking mind readers! The following are some tips for easy, no fuss shopping...

Tip #1: At least have an IDEA of the types of items that you want to purchase!

* Our first question is going to be "Do you need help finding anything?" We don't know your lover personally and again, we aren't mind readers. We can't follow you around while you make up your mind because we have other people to help as well and there are only so many of us on the floor!

Tip #2: Familiarize yourself with your Lover's measurments and sizes if you want to purchase lingerie, underwear, bras, fetish clothing, or shoes!

* We CANNOT just go off of your verbal physical description if it doesn't include actual SIZES! Telling us that your wife or girlfriends bra size is "as big a grapefruit" or that she's about the same size as us DOES NOT HELP! Everyone is shaped differently, different things look good (or bad) on different people!

* Ask your Lover their measurements or if you are trying to surprise them, discreetly check out some of the tags on their regular clothing or other lingerie if you are able. It also helps to know their favorite color as well in case we ask you that too!

Tip #3: Be as HONEST & FORTHCOMING about your needs when speaking to us!

* Take a look around at the sales staff on the floor or behind the counter, ask someone who looks relatable to you. Think of us as your best friend while you're there, you can tell us pretty much anything as long as you aren't creepy about it. I go out of my way to help a customer feel at ease with me, the store, and the subject matter. Relax, we got your back!

* In order to help you to the best of our ability, we need you to be as clear and detailed about you and your partners needs...we NEVER mind helping someone at my store but it gives me a fucking headache when I have to pry your sexual preferences out of you!

* You're already in a Sex Shop. Everyone else shopping around you is there for more or less the same reason...THERE IS NO REASON TO BE SHY! Other patrons are NOT giving a shit what you buy, they are too busy trying to meet thier own needs and you will probably never see them again anyway! Who cares what some stranger thinks?!

* There is NOTHING you can say that will shock or surprise us! WE HAVE HEARD IT ALL to different degrees. We don't mind hearing details you usually keep to  yourself just don't be creepy and suggestive about it! We are a very NON-JUDGEMENTAL bunch. We don't care about what you're into as long as it doesn't involve Minors, Animals, or Body Waste!

* You don't have to whisper, we aren't in a fucking library! My store has a laid back, fun, casual vibe and we get the luxury of being completely ourselves at work while still remaining professional...and its hard to hear whispering when everyone around you is talking normally. What you are doing isnt shameful or wrong...not matter who told you! You have nothing to be ashamed of from me!

Let your Freak Flag Fly!

💋,
Illy Stylez