Shop Life: The Oddly Relatable Podcast ft Me!

It all started with a Lyft Ride....

I'm sure most of you have used a ride sharing service before, right? Most of the time drivers don't really talk much (a lot of you don't even want them to "fucking talk to you"...you know who you are!) but I had a great conversation with my Lyft driver, Maximilian and it turned out he had a podcast. I agreed to do it, had a great time! He was really easy to talk to and personable, just an all around awesome experience so I am sharing this episode that came of of this meeting of two minds. If you like it and want to see more of his stuff you can find him on YouTube at The Oddly Relatable. 

Disclaimer: I was really nervous and kinda inebriated (Nerves + Vodka) so please be gentle. Watching myself on video was so cringe-worthy to be honest but hey we all gotta put it all out there sometimes, Enjoy!

Adult Store 101: Sex Shop= Kink Safe Space

All of these things are true!

Nothing you are into sexually (unless already considered illegal by law) is taboo or weird. Chances are I've heard your story before...I can help! You local sex shop should be safe space to express yourself sexually.  

To further elaborate on that, I get a lot of phone calls from folks who are Trans, cross dress, or BDSM...to ask us if that type of  life is allowed or tolerated. 

My question is: Why wouldn't it be? You're a person, you exist, that life exists...its not something you can hide from or change so why wouldn't it be accepted?

As long as you are dressed in a way that is acceptable in public, we welcome everyone. That being said,  I understand how that wouldn't be the case at other places, because in different parts of the country considering what the local climate is like, some may have a problem but if you go to those other places and that's not the case...FUCK EM! That's not the place for you. 

Our world is changing whether people like it or not. And if the business you frequent isn't changing with the times then don't bother. If your sexual fabulous-ness isn't welcome then they don't deserve your business.

I happen to think that sex shops are the exact and perfect place to let your Kink Flag Fly. No matter what you are into. So please don't be afraid to express yourself. 

To people like me, you matter. Your desires and fantasies are valid. I want to help you realize them.

Sex Shops=Kink Safe Space, never be afraid to let it all hang out and DO YOU.

Just a reminder. 

Let your Freak Flag Fly!

Shop Life Special Edition: Faces of HATE in San Diego 2018

San Diego, Califiornia. (Coronado Bridge and Downtown Skyline)

San Diego, California- The city I was born, where I grew up and where I still live now.

I love this city. The weather is perfect, the people are diverse culturally, and the political climate is pretty liberal. Cannabis just became legal in California this year and the vibe has never been better...

Or so I thought...

Saturday, April 21, 2018- I had just gotten off my shift at the shop and was commuting home when I get this Facebook message from a friend:

Screenshot from My Facebook Messenger

Immediately, I'm like "Protesters?! What the fuck? Are you kidding me?"

So I dial the shop to TRY and give them a heads up but...I was too late! They were already there and I could hear them yelling in the background of the call with one of my newer coworkers. I could hear the total shock in his voice, poor kid.

Goddamn it!

About half an hour later, my friend posted a few videos of the protesters which I've got below for your viewing displeasure:


WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?! 

These first videos were taken at Deja Vu Showgirls. Deja Vu also owns the store at which I'm employed, they are down the road a few blocks from us. The friend who shot these first videos was there enjoying the club as the customer, identifies as female and happens to be a lesbian with a cute short haircut. She's part of my Haunt Family and that means a lot to me, she didn't deserve to be personally attacked for:

A) Enjoying perfectly safe, legal, and consensual Adult Entertainment

or

B) Her (perceived) sexual orientation.

I also have friends that work at the club as Showgirls and they didn't deserve to be called "whores" and "sluts" because they definitely are NOT. They are putting on a performance in the nude, they aren't turning tricks or blowing guys in alleyways. They are choosing to do what they do as adults and they make pretty decent money, they are safe and have a lot of fun doing it. A few of the girls were, understandably upset afterwards.

Anyway, the bigots then made their way down to the store and that's when I was tagged in this next video by my coworker, Kay:


This is that same group a little while later. They are standing on the sidewalk on the other side of the dividing wall from our store parking lot, facing the front door. They seem to know at least some of their rights because there's nothing my coworkers or manager can do because technically they are standing on "public property". I believe that's a customer in the video trying to engage them as well. We lost a lot of revenue on what usually is one of our most busy nights of the week...

All because of these assholes who had nothing better to do on a Saturday night.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in Freedom Of Speech. I believe in people having Freedom of Religion but when those two subjects include DISGUSTING, HATEFUL, DEROGATORY verbal attacks on my friends and coworkers...That's where I draw the fucking line, San Diego!

I was so mad about this the entire rest of the evening as the comments from people I know just started stacking up as the evening went on. I wished I had been there for them...I went to bed thinking about it.

Balboa Park. One of many fountains. This one is the biggest.

Sunday, April 22, 2018- Every year, San Diego holds Earth Fair in Balboa Park in honor of Earth Day.

Earth Fair is a really fun, family friendly, park-wide event that is free to the public. Food, Vendors, Music, and Performances all with Peace, Unity, and Earth Conservation in mind.

If you grew up in San Diego then you know that Earth Fair has always low key been synonymous with hippie/stoners types and marijuana. Like I mentioned before, Marijuana just became legal for recreational use in California and so there was a section for people openly promoting those types of things.

Now, Balboa Park is HUGE (1,200 Acres, bigger than Central Park)...and it just so happens that Balboa Park extends into what I affectionately call our "gayborhood" Hillcrest, in which a majority of the residences and business are owned by people in the LGBTQ community.

And guess who showed up to nastily protest in front of peoples children and families?

Yep, you guessed it...

Photo Credit: Ruben V.

These ASSHOLES AGAIN!

Oh but wait, there's ANOTHER VIDEO:

Video Credit: Sarah B. combating hate with HUGS!

Usually, When a group protests something, they have a clear message. After watching all these videos and interviewing everyone present via Social Media...

I gathered that the group is AGAINST any person or thing that's NOT:

• WHITE
• MALE
• STRAIGHT
• CHRISTIAN
• PRO-LIFE

Oh, and they hate people who use marijuana too. We're all going to hell and the way they choose to get their message across is to yell negative shit at people just trying to enjoy their day. And I just want to ask them:

"Does this ever work for you?"

I bet $1,000,000 no one has ever dropped to their knees and magically changed their sexual orientation and/or identity, changed their ethnicity and/or skin color and pledged their life to your White Christian God. So...why the fuck do you do this?

Since they are being so out loud and proud with their hate by printing their website on the sign, I decided to investigate and see if I could find any answers...

When first typing in the web address you're greeted by this:

Um, What? LOL

I definitely don't want to "hear the message" and there's a bunch of things wrong with this, mainly who the fuck is their web designer and are they stuck in 1999?

Notice the trend of fat, old, bearded White Guys?

Anyone else hopes a car comes by and runs these (badly Photoshopped) guys in the middle of the road the fuck over? I do! Wow, they really hate the gays! But apparently at my store they are just protesting because they are "Unsatisfied Customers"? (See the video by my coworker, Kay. The loudmouth on the megaphone says that and that he wants to speak to a manager.)  Go figure.

They have a Bail Fund?!

I've heard of religious organizations having a Church Fund but a BAIL FUND?! Why the FUCK do you have a bail fund? Oh, is it maybe because you're actually a HATE GROUP posing as a religious ministry....

I had to scroll all the way down to get to our hate section.

And finally, the section where  they start in on me and my friends. I didn't click any of the individual propaganda links. I had enough by this point. I closed the web page with more questions than answers but one thing I know for sure:

OFFICIAL STREET PREACHERS IS 100% A FUCKING HATE GROUP!

These are the faces of hate in my beloved San Diego in 2018. It makes me incredibly sad and angry that my friends were subjected to this abuse, that our businesses were affected, and that there's nothing we can do as long as they don't step outside the boundaries of the law.

So I did the only thing I could do: I came here to expose their petty, hateful bullshit. There's so few of them and so many of us. They get loud and we can get louder and more creative.

If they haven't been classified as an official hate group in San Diego. Then they should be. This is all the evidence you need.

Please Like and Share this post. Spread the word about these jerks! And if you live in my hometoen and see this guys out at events this Spring/Summer don't let them back you down. SPEAK UP and CLAP back at them with love and positivity!

They are so angry because the world has become bigger and wider and more diverse. Now THEY are the minority and we can't let them win.

Be you, without apologies, always and keep letting your Freak Flag fly!

Illy's Notes: Where The Hell I've Been...

Hello My Freaky Little Darlings!

I bet you're wondering where I've been for year?! Or maybe not, I have no idea if anyone actually reads this but I don't care, I'm gonna tell you anyway!

I am not going to lie... the current state of affairs in America, coupled with a crippling bout of depression and pre-midlife crisis forced me to evaluate what I want to do with my life. Shit was REALLY sad there for a second and I was kind of lost. I'm slowly finding my way, I guess.

I've decided I want to open up to work for myself. So, I came up with the brilliant idea to open my own humble little online sex shop! I just posted it up around my social media channels today. I'm pretty nervous about it and its giving me terrible anxiety! For the time being I am still working at the porn shop but I cut my hours there to a couple days a week. I was sad to do so but as much as I love it, its definitely not paying the bills and I sort of feel like what little talents I do have are being wasted. I've been lucky that my SO had gotten a promotion at his job so I could take advantage of the time and opportunity to try and make something happen.

I didn't expect to get a huge reaction right away, like I said, I just posted everything up today. I still have a ways to go and I don't really know what I am doing but fuck it! I'm taking a chance on myself and I am learning a lot and I hope this little venture is successful.

I hope to be able to blog more as well as I gain more connections with different brands, products, companies etc. so be patient with me!

You know what would really be cool?

You could visit my site by clicking this link ~~~~> Illy Kink <~~~~~ and supporting me by making a purchase from my shop (even if it's something small) or by liking and sharing any of my social media or web pages. I'm ALWAYS happy to answer questions via my social channels or email so don't be shy! I would sincerely and greatly appreciate it!

Thanks for sticking with me and Let Your Freak Flag Fly!

Love,
Illy

Illy's Notes: 2017 and I'm Still Here!

Greetings & Salutations, My Freaky Ones!

So if you've been following me on Social Media then you know I'm still around. If you don't follow me on Social Media then WHY THE FUCK NOT?!

...Alright I'm sure you have your reasons. I'll forgive you if you forgive me for not writing SHIT for MONTHS!

Truth be told, between all the terrorist attacks, the election, more terrorist attacks and people generally just being kinda shitty to each other....had me feeling kind of down about Humanity and life in general....then I started to get depressed about my own life and EW!

Fuuuuuuuck That!

At the encouragement of some coworkers I decided to try getting back to this again....

So I have a new post topic to stay tuned for. Yes, I actually have the outline right in front of me! I just need to sit and write the damn thing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....

I'm not sure if anyone actually takes the time to read this: I've gotten like 1,500 views total since I started this blog....

But for those of you who are out there, have read any of this, and stuck with me: THANK YOU!

I'd love to hear from you sometime, knowing I have someone to write for...keeps me writing.

Just sayin'. Feel free to contact me if you wish.

Talk at you soon and Keep those Freak Flags flying high,

~Illy Stylez~

Shop Life Special Edition: The Mysterious Trans Experience-Act II

Act II- Ask A Trans friend!



In Act I, I explained to you all how I believe alot of problems can be solved with a little understanding... With that being said I decided to gather up the most common questions people seem to have about Transfolk and made two friends of mine answer them. They were nice enough to do so and I would like to thank them for putting up with my ass from the bottom of my heart. I've changed their names to protect them from assholes. Deal with it! The only thing this has been edited for is spelling and grammar, their opinions and beliefs are their own.

EVLO has transitioned from Male to Female.

TRAC has transitioned from Female to Male.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. What was life like for you before transitioning? Where you conflicted about how you were inside, Was there any defining moment in life where you went "Aha!" or was it something you've always known?

EVLO: Life before transitioning was agonizing. I use to wonder if there was something wrong with me or broken within me, that was why I felt sad all the time. I remember dreaming every other night about a woman with long beautiful raven black hair in a purple dress. I could always see the the back of her body, then when she went to turn around I would wake up each time.

As for my Aha! moment, it would be when I met my first trans woman within my research of self and when we actually sat down and compared our lives everything clicked and I knew what I could call myself then.

TRAC: I lived as a butch lesbian for years before I came to terms as being Transgender. I was suffering from a deep depression when I came to terms with it. I always knew something was up but didn't know all the details. I was doing a lot of therapy and dealing with my mom being ill, and dying. When she died, I knew I would transition.


2. Did you "come out" to family and friends, and if so do they react differently toward you now?

EVLO: Yes. I did, finally, once I was sure about myself being Trans. I told my mother first and she told me that she already knew for two reasons:  One, since I was little I hated being dressed up as a boy and always liked gender neutral clothes. Two, when I was little I had long hair and people would tell my mom that she had beautiful daughters. She would thank them, never correcting people because I would get mad when she did.

After I told my sisters and they reacted the same as my mom. Then finally I told my Biological Father because my mom and sisters told me I should only because he deserved that much. His reaction was that I was sick in the head and needed help. Me being gay was fine but this was something else! So I don't talk to him anymore after that. My mother and sisters acted differently only in a good way, they became more protective and would do things like snap at people looking at me funny in public.

TRAC:  I came out to several friend and close family. Friends did very well. I think my family was unsure, and wondered if I would be happy, they see that I am now. My family treats me with respect.


3. What do you consider the preferred pronouns used to address you? Are there any other lesser used terms in the community that we can and should become more familiar with?

EVLO: Well my pronouns are: She and Her etc. but to refer to me as a T.girl, Trans woman or trans friend is fine as well.

TRAC: My preferred pronouns are He/Him/His, a FTM, Transman.


4. Does it bother you if people use the wrong pronouns when speaking to you and if they do, you correct them or let it go?

EVLO: It does bother me when people mess up. It stuns me rarely, I do correct them nicely at first. If it's an ongoing thing, I'll snap and tell them to kindly fuck off if they're doing it on purpose. If by accident, I remind them to make themselves aware to be more careful about messing up my pronouns

TRAC: No one misgenders me. There was a time when some did. It depended if I thought they were trying and just made a mistake or if they did it on purpose. The first, is forgiven. The second, I would talk to them about it and if they continued to do it, they lost me as a friend. It goes beyond just being an asshole and disrespecting me. It could put me in danger, if someone hears that is phobic and would act violently toward me.


5. If someone isn't sure about your gender identity but they still want to address you without offending you, are there neutral pronouns that can be used or do you think it more polite to address the person by the gender of the clothing they wear?

EVLO: Hmm… I would have to say just ask them their name and go off of that, as I do, or what they prefer to go by.

TRAC: It is polite to ask. "How would you prefer I address you?"  You might also give your name and ask theirs. Type of clothing doesn't always work.


6. Are there commonly used terms for your identity that are considered rude and should be avoided?

EVLO: Yes! Tranny is the equivalent of the “N-word” without an A at the end. Also Shemale, Chick with a Dick, Special Girl, Lady Boy (All things that will make me strike you and all these things I have been called by weirdos that try to fuck me) so those are the only ones for me.

TRAC: Tranny and for the women .....shemale, heshe.


7. Getting more personal now... How do you define your sexual orientation, if at all?

EVLO: My sexual orientation is Pansexual. I like who I like when I like them.

TRAC: I am in a hetro, monogamous relationship. I am legally married. I however, consider myself bisexual.


8. Most people, I imagine, are curious about the genitalia that you were born with. Do you find yourself getting asked about it alot? Is there a polite way to ask you such an obviously embarrassing question or do you even answer the question at all?

EVLO: For me I don't mind talking about my body since I'm a very open person. When people ask I just tell them ‘Yes I still have my penis for now and if that's a problem then fuck off’ but I rarely get asked, when I do that's how I respond. Why hide it?

TRAC: I am constantly asked " Do you have a dick?" I find myself less forgiving of this question as I age. Because I am an educator, there is a setting ( the class room) that it is ok to ask and I will answer. Otherwise, this is a totally rude question.


9. In personal relationships (not just romantic), do you tend to tell people right away or is it something you keep to yourself if you can? How do people in general react when they find out at first?

EVLO: I tell people right away that I'm trans because if I don't  that's hiding who I am and that it's a part of my essence as a whole. If that is too complicated for them to handle that's them but if there's acceptance and willingness to know a little about trans people I'm here to educate.

TRAC: I used to tell a lot of people, in the hopes to educate. When you think about it, there is no reason to tell unless I am hoping to go to bed with you. When I was dating, I would tell during our first coffee date. I wanted no secrets.


10. All the suicides and violence against Transgender in the media; theres such a struggle that went mostly unheard until now. Have you ever dealt with suicidal thoughts or had violence brought on you personally? If so then how did that particular experience affect you, if at all? What do you think can be done by the rest of us to prevent more tragedies?

EVLO: I have made 7 attempts at taking my life in fact and by the 7th I heard a voice tell me ‘It's not your time. I'll wait for you here until it is, now go back’.

I experienced violence against me personally, twice. The first was when I was attacked by a group of kids in middle school with my boyfriend, after school and second was when I was 19, at a party. The 1st time I was filled with fury and wanted revenge. By the second time I learned sympathy and grew to learn that violence isn't always the answer.

To prevent tragedies in the community I believe is a matter of education and I mean to educate parents and children alike to be accepting, learn about trans people since they have existed since the beginning, will continue to and that we are people. Some are not brave as I to stand and fight for our acknowledgement (sometimes actual physical fights when being crossed) of our rights.

TRAC: This is such a hard one. I have had suicidal thoughts during my depression, it was never Transgender specific. The most difficulty I have had during this process has been in the medical situations. Being outed or just general mis-information. We really need to have more education in the medical community to start with. There were 81 deaths world wide this last year due to violence against Transgender people. That doesn't even count suicide. There were over 4 suicides in our youth community alone in a three month span this year.


11. What advice would you give to a Young Person and/or an Adult who's just figuring out that they are trans?

EVLO:  Just be true to yourself and dont let society's version of a trans man or trans woman guide your transition, no trans person's journey is the same. Live your happiness, don't let anyones happiness beside your own guide your transition.

TRAC: Find out if you have a resource in your family, school, Community Center, online. GET SUPPORT. This isn't a race, take as long as you need to feel comfortable. Everybody is different and it is that way with this too.


12. Is there anything else you like to say about being Transgender or  other issues unique to the growing community?

EVLO:  All life is precious, cherish everyone: LGBTQIA, Black, White, Mixed, Purple, Human or Mythical. We all belong on this plane for a reason. Respect my existence and thanks for caring enough to ask.

Shop Life Special Edition: The Mysterious Trans Experience- Act 1

Act 1-  How I Became A Trans Ally

I have my background and upbringing to thank for the statement in the picture above. I believe that has alot to do with what kind of person one grows up to be and one of the big reasons why "the other side" feels the way it does... Upbringing and background more ridgid, religious, bigoted, narrow-minded, inexperienced, traditional and perhaps even a bit naive. It may be one or all or a combination of those things, vastly different from mine.

First, this for those of you who don't know me personally the short version of my journey to the lady I am today... And Second, for those of you who DO, maybe you'll learn something new about your friend today:

I was born on February 20, 1985 in San Diego, CA and was 100% a 90's kid, raised on the West Coast by East Coast born parents (Mom from Bronx, NY & Dad from Pittsburgh, PA). I was baptized Catholic more out of family tradition than actual religious beliefs. Other than the occasional traditional church visit for Easter or Christmas which stopped after 6th grade, That was pretty much it for organized religion in my life. As a family we never really discussed faith or "God" or whether or not he existed. My parents let us make up our own minds (even though they though some of my beliefs were silly as fuck),  we had a sense of something greater than ourselves, and a belief in a few things unexplained. Mostly we were taught right and wrong, good or bad, with room for there to be undefined Grey area.

We lived in a neighborhood called North Park which shares a border with what I affectionately call the local "gayborhood" Hillcrest... San Diego's Famous and predominantly LGBTQ oriented neighborhood, one of the nicest in the city. Our Gay mecca.

Just living in the area I was exposed to "The Community" back then being Trans wasn't really apart of it like it is today. Anyone who wasn't gay got lumped into a category with more derogatory terms than we use today, was mostly considered weird, and were snickered at privately and sometimes not so.

Although I was young and sometimes even snickered along, it was mostly because it was expected. Early on, it was understood that, in my world: there are men who love men, women who love women, and men that dress and live as women (I hadnt met a Transman to my knowledge til I was an adult). Also, by this time I was OBSESSED with Rupaul, which I knew was a man in drag, his beauty and style were so unique for the times, I became infatuated with men in drag... so then all men dressed as women became Drag Queens to me. I ended up learning and loving the "gay community" , on my own, just by being in my environment.

As a teen, I found out a close male relative was gay. It wasn't widely mentioned but it wasnt a secret.

In my early 20s: My sister came out as gay. Which got me yelled at by my Mom because I didn't tell her first! To which I replied that we shared a room for a good few years... My side was more frilly, Hers was more kill-y. I pretty much figured it out a long time ago but it wasn't my news to tell. Parents are fine with it. No issues.

In my late 20s: A younger male cousin came out as Trans. Even then I ain't sure what that meant, not REALLY. But I accepted her anyway because she's my cousin and I love her no matter what her path in life. She doesn't speak to her biological father because he can only accept her as a gay Man... Not who she really is. And that hurts me more than she knows... .

When I started working at Barnett and befriended an older male coworker who was very wise and insightful about a number of things including Trans community. Which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me til I had been working there for a while and found out that he had been born female. I was damned surprised because my good friend doesn't appear as anything else than traditionally male, I noticed that he was smaller in stature than your average guy but that's it.

Now,  I had questions! He graciously answered them all (continues to do so if I pose any more) and he was also patient enough to gently correct me if I unintentionally did or said something considered offensive, even going as far as to kindly explain and offer me more polite options for the future.

I know that most people were not and are not now as lucky to grow up in situation similar to my experience. And that's okay! I'm not trying to change your mind as a Trans Ally. I'm trying to spread the knowledge of what I've learned with those of you who grew up more traditionally with the hope that maybe through understanding, will come peaceful tolerance and if I'm lucky, acceptance and even love for your fellow humans no matter how they identify.